" Is it a game for you to play with other's emotions.
Whenever you want you can care, and then if you
think you're done with him then you move on to
the next."


That my friend was a text message...from a friend.
From the look and sound of it, it sounds a lot like this friend
might have feelings for me, no ?
Did I lead this friend on ?
Uh, no.
And if I did, I think I might be leading the whole
male population of Bangladesh on...just by BEING NICE.
No, honestly...I was just being nice.
...I might have something of a problem...BUT I SWEAR this
time around I was just being nice...
Problems such as...i dunno...giving a specific male
my undivided attention for a while because well
I THINK THEY NEED it...and when I realize that
they're becoming too dependent, I slowly slip into
the shadows... BUT BUT...sometimes SOME PEOPLE misunderstand
the temporary part...and blame me for toying with their feelings,
when I REALLY DID CARE...just not :: nods to :: in that way.

BOYS, GUYS, MEN !
I prefer the not-so-traditional-completely-emotional-possessive-controlling-nationalistic bangladeshi, please.
I'm no beggar, so I'm assuming I have the right to be choosy about this.
...speaking of guys...everyone's talking about my marriage...
ever since it's final that my youngest aunt's going to get married in august
everyone's been fruckin bringing it up.
....I'm looking forward to Rinky's wedding...I've prolly dreamt of her wedding
more then I've dreamt of my own...
I've already talked to the jeweler, and the tailor...and everything better go according to plan.
Rinky's wedding however is sort of a sign of my own independence...
ever since moving to bangladesh, I have rarely spent time without her...
and now I get to do so, without feeling completely guilty.
It's sad when you're doppelganger isn't your own.

I just told Zaira Guriya 
that my native american and hippe names were "Confused Rabbit", and "Pot of Gold".
This says enough to how "unique", the clan and I were.

Today Zaid, and I clashed over his newly founded Madinah friends via Ishrat...
something which I don't approve of.
Madinah...although a thing of the past, is still imprinted fresh in my memory.
I remember the neon polka dotted walls, the narrow stairway, the smell of warm banana cake,
the skidding of expensive sneakers, and many many white towel heads.
After graduation, I needed to get away from all that.
I didn't want to see my past every time I saw the face of another Madinian.
I don't mean to say I had a horrible past...I actually didn't...but I needed to
wrap up that chapter altogether, and leave it there, where it belongs.
...and I don't regret it...I do miss our good old golden days sometimes...but I
don't regret it.
Because regretting things makes moving on much harder then it ought to be.

I went shopping again today...I spend way too much money. : (

I need to see Ahsan... he makes me feel great about being insane.
For some odd reason, he could go out into the world and make the most horrible mistakes
but I'd still take him in as if he were a newborn child...it's this motherly attachment I have to him.
As if I promised to God himself to protect fragile Ahsan from the cruel world.

So much to do tomorrow.
I have to go to the bank tomorrow, and then see Chishti, and Tahlil....
something about doing their BIO projects...pshhht.
Do my evaluation...
then hang out for a bit...
then come home, and start working on my own English paper.
AAAAAAAAAAA....how about I go to sleep, and wake up in NY ?